#ive thought for so long what was she thinking and feeling

[tommiib]

Taboo: Yeosang x Reader

Y/N thought Yeosang was the perfect escape from the chaos of her life—intense, captivating, and everything she wanted in a man—but as their connection deepens, so does the tension. Beneath his charming smiles and soft-spoken words, Yeosang harbors secrets that threaten to unravel everything Y/N has come to trust, and she finds herself questioning if he’s truly the love she’s been searching for or if he's slowly becoming her biggest enemy. As the lines blur between passion and betrayal, Y/N is torn between the desire to let him in completely and the growing fear that the man she’s falling for might not be who he seems at all. The question remains: Will he be her savior or the source of her downfall?

content warnings: swearing, party, alc, smoking, kissing, suggestive but nothing crazy.... yet

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This is my first time uploading to Tumblr so sorry if the layout is a bit weird! This is chapter one of a series ive been working on for a bit! I hope you enjoy

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“Please, Amira, we have to go to this party!” you groaned in frustration, your pleas falling on deaf ears as she remained too heartbroken to consider going out. “Don’t let that asshole get the best of you! Yoona and I will be there for moral support,” you urged, trying to reason with her.

You weren’t exactly a party person, but when you were in the mood, you knew how to have a good time. Tonight was no exception, despite the fact that your best friend/ roommate had been dumped by some guy she’d been seeing a week ago. She hadn’t left her room since. You never met him, but he must’ve been something special to leave your friend this devastated.

With her gorgeous looks and bubbly personality, Amira never had trouble finding or keeping a guy. She wore her heart on her sleeve, but she’d never been this torn up over anyone, let alone someone she’d only been seeing for three months. Skipping classes over it was unheard of.

“I’m just not feeling it, Y/N. Please, don’t stay back because of me. I know Wooyoung is dying to see you. I’ll be fine.”

Ah, Wooyoung—your other best friend, who you’ve known since childhood. You recently reconnected when he transferred to your university at the beginning of the school year, and since then, the two of you had been inseparable.

Before you could protest, your other roommate and close friend, Yoona, chimed in. “It’s fine, Y/N. You already told Woo you’d be there. I’ll stay here with Amira. Besides, I don’t think Yunho will be at the party anyway, so I’m okay with sitting this one out.”

Yoona, the peacemaker of the group, had the kindest heart you’ve ever witnessed. For nearly three years, you’ve watched her harbor a crush on your mutual friend, Yunho. It was obvious they both liked each other, yet neither had the courage to take the first step. The situation was painful to witness, as their mutual shyness kept them apart. 

“I can literally text Wooyoung right now and tell him I can’t make it. Then we can all watch movies and cry together over some birthday cake ice cream,” you sigh, trying one last time to convince them. You’re definitely the stubborn one in your friend group,  always speaking your mind. No wonder you’re majoring in criminal justice.

Suddenly, Amira perks up and stares directly at you. “You’re going. You’ve been looking forward to this party since Wooyoung invited you last week. There’s no way you’re backing out because of me. I’ll be fine here with Yoona. Trust me.” Her tone is serious. “Plus, you need to get laid. It’s making you grumpy,” she mumbles, and you gasp in mock outrage.

“Okay, it hasn’t been that  long,” you defend yourself.

This time, both Yoona and Amira give you a look like you’ve grown two heads.  

“Girl, it’s been, what… a year?” Amira remarks.

You throw your hands up in defense. “I’ve been busy focusing on myself, and all these guys on Hinge are ugly or just looking for a quick hookup. I’m not going through another two-minute disaster,” you groan, recalling last year’s hookup that lasted all of two minutes, literally. A total waste of a night.

And it’s not that you’re against hookups; you just have standards. Which, apparently, are unattainable with the current dating pool. You physically roll your eyes at the thought. All you want is someone who’s hot, clean, smells good, friendly, good in bed, and doesn’t have a sketchy reputation. Is that too much to ask for? It’s not. But yet, it seems impossible to find, especially since getting out of your “serious” freshman-year relationship with this dude named Miko. He was sweet at first, but quickly turned possessive and insecure, practically confining you to his dorm for all of freshman year and half of sophomore year. Since then, it’s just been casual hookups and situationships—you’re not looking to commit until you graduate next year.

“Uh huh, well, go focus on yourself and make sure you get some dick,” Amira says, getting out of bed and practically pushing you toward the door.

“OR PUSSY!” Yoona shouts from the other room, laughing as she watches Amira drag you out of your shared apartment.

You sigh and turn around, only to be met with Amira shoving your purse and phone into your chest. “And don’t even think about coming home tonight. I don’t care if you have to crash at Wooyoung’s.”

Resigned, you slip on your heels and grab your stuff from Amira. “And you people call me stubborn,” you grumble, earning the first laugh you’ve heard from Amira since the breakup. You can see Yoona cracking a smile and giving you a thumbs-up from across the room.

“Okay, fine! But if I come back without getting laid, please let me back in the house,” you pout.

Amira chuckles before saying, “Well, no!” and promptly shuts the door in your face. Rolling your eyes, you quickly book a Lyft to Wooyoung’s, where you’d pregame and head to the party together.

—----------

“WOOYOUNG, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?” you yell at your best friend, who’s lounging on his bed with a smug, knowing smile.

“Hey, it wasn’t my idea! Amira asked me to do you a little favor!” he defends himself.

“So, you invite me to this party and then tell San that I’ve been crushing on him? Which, by the way, IS NOT TRUE!” you huff in frustration.

“Well, you did have that little crush on him,” Wooyoung points out.

“DURING SYLLABUS WEEK OF FRESHMAN YEAR?” you exclaim, rolling your eyes as he laughs at your irritation.

“That guy has a reputation, a bad one. All he does is hook up and break hearts. Even if it’s just a quick fuck, I’m not that desperate,” you say, looking Wooyoung square in the eye.

“You’re right… I shouldn’t have stirred things up, ” he admits with a genuine apology, despite the shit eating grin on his face.

“Seriously, when did everyone start caring so much about my sex life?” you mutter, making Wooyoung laugh.

“When it started making you grumpy,” Wooyoung quips.

“I am not grumpy.”

“That’s what they all say—until they get laid. Then it’s all peace, love, sunshine, and rainbows,” Wooyoung teases, grinning.

“Yeah, maybe for you, Mr. ‘Can’t Keep It in His Pants.’ Your reputation is worse than San’s!” you retort, making Wooyoung clutch his chest in mock shock.

“Okay, that’s a bit extreme. San’s a whore. I just like to have fun! And at least I don’t string people along!” he defends himself.

“Yeah, yeah, but your body count is higher than our area code, which is a little concerning,” you tease, laughing as Wooyoung protests.

“It is not!” he insists.

“I’m just messing with you. But still, my point stands, I don’t need sex to be happy. If it happens, it happens. I’m not going to force it. So you and Amira can especially stop pushing it on me!” you huff.

“Ugh, I guess you’re right,” Wooyoung concedes, rolling his eyes. “Let’s just have fun, get drunk, and look sexy while doing it, okay?” he says with a smile. You roll your eyes but nod in agreement.

You do look hot tonight, as you check yourself out in the full-length mirror in Wooyoung’s apartment. You’re wearing a low-cut, halter-neck black top that accentuates your cleavage, paired with a tiny, flowy black skirt that barely covers your ass. Thin heels, medium-sized silver hoops, and a simple star necklace with your initials carved into it complete the look. Your makeup is bold, with smoky eyeliner and a glossy lip combo that stands out. 

You glance over at Wooyoung, who’s casually scrolling on his phone as he orders your Lyft. He looks just as good.  

Wooyoung has always been attractive, everyone knows that. Tonight, he’s rocking a natural look, his hair grown out to its natural black color, now shoulder-length. His new eyebrow jewelry stands out, having just healed, allowing him to shorten the bar. His lips are glossy and plump, and he’s wearing a black button-up with most of the buttons undone, paired with form-fitting blue jeans adorned with black crosses. He’s accessorized with silver earrings, a silver chain, and his usual array of bracelets and rings. It’s no wonder both guys and girls fall for him—if it’s not his looks, it’s his outgoing, infectious personality.

“Why are you staring at me?” he chuckles, catching you in the act.

“I just think we look hot as hell,” you reply nonchalantly, giving both yourself and Wooyoung a double-take in the mirror as he gets up and stands behind you.

“We do look good, don’t we?” he teases.

“Alright, don’t make it weird now,” you joke.

“Says the one who was eyeing me down like I was her last meal three seconds ago,” he quips. 

“I wasn’t eyeing you down,” you retort, rolling your eyes. “I was checking out your outfit—I can’t have you embarrassing me.”

“As if I could embarrass you. It’s always you doing the weird stuff, not me!” Wooyoung retorts.

“Says the guy who got way too drunk and stripped in the middle of Mingi’s birthday party, only to throw up in the flowerpot at our Airbnb—while in his underwear,” you fire back.

“Hey! We promised not to bring that up!” Wooyoung whines, and you burst out laughing.

“I’m just reminding you! I can’t let that ego of yours get any bigger than it already is.”

Wooyoung scoffs as he heads out of the bedroom. “Whatever. The Lyft is two minutes away, let’s head down.”

“Wow, that was fast.”

“It’s a Friday night in a college town; it’s impossible not to get a Lyft within minutes,” Wooyoung says, slipping on his shoes.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” you agree, spraying some perfume before following him out of the apartment and down to the lobby.

—------ 

You enter the party with Wooyoung by your side, taking in the buzzing atmosphere. It’s not the biggest party you’ve been to, but it’s far from small—probably around 200 people packed into the frat house. The music is loud, and the lingering smell of sweat makes you wish for a drink already.

“Let’s dance!” Wooyoung exclaims, grabbing your hand and pulling you toward the dance floor.

You follow his lead, eager to let loose. The crowd is already moving to the beat, and the energy in the room is electric. As you and Wooyoung find a spot near the center, where the bass hits hardest, Lil Wayne’s "Lollipop" blasts through the speakers.

Wooyoung immediately starts to groove, his body moving with a smoothness that makes you laugh. He’s always been a great dancer, and tonight is no exception. You join in, matching his rhythm, placing your hands on your knees and moving your hips against him. It's all fun and carefree, the perfect way to start the night.

“I missed this!” you shout over the music, throwing your hands in the air as you spin around.

“Me too!” Wooyoung shouts back, grinning from ear to ear.

Just as the song shifts to a more upbeat track, "Ayy Ladies," you spot Mingi making his way through the crowd, a familiar swagger in his step. He’s wearing a black tank top that clings to his toned chest and shoulders, accentuating his broad frame. A silver chain gleams around his neck, catching the light as he moves. His jean shorts sit low on his waist, exposing the band of his designer underwear—Calvin Klein, of course. And, in true Mingi fashion, he’s wearing sunglasses inside. It’s corny, but it’s part of his charm, his signature flair.

“Mingi! Get over here!” Wooyoung calls out, waving him over.

Mingi breaks into a wide smile and strides over, seamlessly joining the dance circle. He starts dancing with the two of you, his movements smooth and effortless. Despite the sunglasses, you can tell he’s having a blast.

“You look ridiculous,” you tease, gesturing to his sunglasses as you continue dancing.

“You know you love it,” Mingi shoots back with a playful grin. He turns to Wooyoung, “You look nice tonight, man!”

“I know!” Wooyoung laughs, giving Mingi a playful shove. “Where’ve you been? Haven’t seen you all week.”

“Just busy with some stuff, you know how it is,” Mingi replies, still moving to the beat. He then glances over at you, “Wow, Y/N, looking stunning as always.”

You feel a warmth spread through you at the compliment. “You’re not looking too bad yourself, Mingi,” you say, eyeing his outfit. “But the sunglasses? Really?”

He chuckles, adjusting them with a smirk. “It’s all about the aesthetic.”

The three of you dance together, catching up between laughs and compliments, the music fueling the good vibes. Mingi’s presence adds an extra spark to the fun, his easygoing nature and corny flair making the night even better.

You’re glad you came out tonight; the night is already off to a great start. You notice Mingi glance down at his phone as he receives a text, then lean over to whisper something into Wooyoung’s ear.

“I’m gonna grab a drink,” you shout to Wooyoung over the noise. “Want anything?”

“Nah, Mingi just told me they’re playing truth or dare downstairs. I’m gonna head there. Wanna come?” he replies.

You shake your head, remembering the last time you played truth or dare at a party. Let's just say it didn’t go well, and you’re not eager for a repeat.

“Suit yourself!” Wooyoung grins before heading off with Mingi.

You part ways with Wooyoung and make your way to the kitchen. Once there, you pour yourself a hefty serving of the mystery punch, the strong scent of alcohol hitting you immediately.

“Damn, did they add any juice to this, or is it straight liquor?” you mutter after taking a sip. It’s easily 90% alcohol, 5% ice, and 5% juice. This punch alone is going to mess you up.

“I don’t think they added any juice, to be honest,” says a deep voice behind you. You turn to see one of Wooyoung’s friends, what was his name again?

“I’m Yeosang, by the way. Sorry if I startled you,” he says, noticing your hesitation.

Yeosang! You remember now, the hottie who had to leave Mingi’s birthday party early! Family issues or something. You’ve only ever seen him in passing, and from what you’ve gathered, he doesn’t talk much. But he’s definitely close to Wooyoung, always hanging out with him, San, Mingi, and their other friend Jongho.

It piques your interest that you don’t really know much about him. With looks and a body like that, you’d assume he’d have a reputation as strong as Wooyoung’s or San’s, but no one ever really talks about Yeosang—not in that way, at least.

“My bad, I’m Y/N,” you say with a smile, letting out a little laugh. His strong eye contact and deep voice are making you a bit nervous. Not to mention, he’s wearing a white tank top that shows off his chest and abs beautifully, paired with a black jacket and loose-fitting blue jeans. His slicked-back blonde hair, with black roots peeking through, and the bright diamond studs in his ears complete the look. His hands are adorned with bracelets and rings, adding to his effortless cool.

“Oh, you’re Wooyoung’s friend!” He lights up, and you nod.

“Yeah, we met briefly at Mingi’s party, but you had to leave early,” you say as casually as possible.

“I remember that! It’s nice to see you again,” he smiles. “You look amazing tonight.”

You feel the heat rise to your cheeks as you try to hide a smile by taking another sip of your drink. “So do you,” you respond, and he lets out a deep laugh. You don’t quite get what’s so funny, but you don’t mind—it’s a rich, deep laugh, and honestly, it’s hot as hell.

“Thank you,” he replies. “I assume you came here with Woo?” he asks, and you nod.

“Yeah, but that jerk ditched me to play truth or dare in the basement,” you say, and Yeosang chuckles.

“The downside of being friends with someone who knows everyone—you get left behind a lot,” he smiles, taking a sip of his own drink.

“Yep, I just don’t understand how he knows half the damn campus when he just transferred,” you say, already feeling a bit warm from the drink, taking another sip.

“I can’t understand it either. It seems overwhelming,” Yeosang chuckles, and you nod.

“Oh, definitely. Have you seen his phone? Over 4,000 unopened messages. It’s insane.”

“I’ve seen it. He really needs to clear that out,” Yeosang agrees, making you laugh.

A comfortable silence follows between you and Yeosang, silently sipping on your drink before Yeosang speaks up. “Wanna go dance?”

“I would love to,” you smile, grabbing Yeosang’s hand heading back onto the dance floor, keeping your drink in your hand. 

His hand is calloused but soft and welcoming. He leads you to the dance floor, where the two of you start moving to the song “Don’t Tell ‘Em” by Jeremih. Yeosang still hasn’t let go of your hand, holding it up in the air as your back presses against his chest, his free hand wrapping around your waist. You feel warm, and you’re not sure if it’s from the heat between you and Yeosang or the punch kicking in. 

“Oh, Yeosang, I’m impressed,” you tease, tilting your head back to rest on his shoulder. “I didn’t expect you to have this much rhythm.”

He chuckles before speaking up. “Why? Do I look like I can’t dance or something?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. 

You shake your head with a playful smile. “No, it’s just that most guys can’t keep up.”

“Yeah?” he says, sounding all smug, and you can’t help but roll your eyes jokingly as the two of you continue to move together. As the song ends, you’re still pressed against Yeosang, his hands resting politely on your waist while you take the opportunity to sip your punch. The next song, “Wild Thoughts,” starts playing, and you hear Yeosang hum the melody, his hips naturally finding the beat. You two quickly fall into rhythm, and he buries his head into your shoulder, his cheeks tinted a light pink, a sure sign he’s just as tipsy as you are.

“I didn’t expect this from you,” you whisper into his ear.

“Expect what?”

“You to be so smooth. I never see you with any girls at parties,” you say, which earns you another chuckle from him. And God, could you listen to him laugh all day.

“So you’ve had your eye on me?” he smirks, his voice teasing.

“Not necessarily,” you reply, trying to keep his ego in check. “You and your little friend group just tend to attract attention, that’s all.”

He chuckles again, leaning down to whisper in your ear, “I’m very different from my friends. You don’t know anything about me.”

Though his tone is playful, there’s a hint of teasing that sends a pulse of excitement through you. He suddenly turns you around so that you’re facing him.

“You’re so pretty. I want to look at you while we dance,” he says, and you try to hide your smile by turning your head away.

“I didn’t take you for such a flirt. Do you compliment every girl you dance with, or am I special?” The eye contact between you two is intense, even though you’ve just met. 

He smiles before replying, “I always try to be a gentleman and compliment people. But I don’t just dance with anyone. I’m a little scared of strangers y’know.” 

You laugh as you continue dancing with the handsome man in front of you until the alcohol and the heat make you feel a little too stuffy. Tapping Yeosang's shoulder, he leans down so you can whisper in his ear, "Gonna step outside, wanna come?" He nods, and you take his hand, leading him into the backyard.

Surprisingly, you find Wooyoung and Mingi along with their other friends Jongho and San, deeply engaged in an intense game of beer pong. Mingi is about to take his shot, with Jongho looming over him, clearly frustrated by Mingi’s poor performance so far.

"Mingi, if you miss this one, you're sleeping on the lawn tonight," Jongho threatens.

"Hey! I'm only missing because I'm already drunk. Wooyoung just got here; it's not fair," Mingi huffs, making Wooyoung laugh.

"Just admit you suck," San teases.

"Fuck you," Mingi mutters before throwing the ping pong ball—and missing the cup yet again. Judging by Jongho’s expression, this isn't the first time.

"Bro, I want a new partner!" Jongho complains.

"Nope, not happening," Wooyoung says mockingly.

Jongho rolls his eyes, finally noticing you and Yeosang walking down the steps toward the hammock set up in the yard. 

"OH SHIT, YEOSANG! COME HERE, I NEED YOU!" Jongho shouts.

"Yeosang? Where? I thought he was staying home with Yunho tonight," Wooyoung says, scanning the yard until he catches sight of you and Yeosang holding hands. His mouth drops slightly. "Y/N??"

"Oh, don't act so surprised—you left me alone," you say, rolling your eyes as you and Yeosang approach the beer pong table, still holding hands.

Wooyoung gives the two of you a once-over before returning his attention to the game. 

"Yeosang, please switch with Mingi. I'm begging you—I can't lose to these two idiots," Jongho pleads, but Wooyoung quickly protests.

"Sorry, no can do. It’s against the rules. Gotta just take your L," Wooyoung mocks, making Jongho lift his fist in a mock threat, causing Wooyoung to dart behind San for protection.

You and Yeosang laugh, watching the antics, until another voice speaks up.

"Wow, Y/N, you look hot as fuck," San comments, earning an eye roll from you.

"Thanks. You don’t look terrible either," you reply, deliberately avoiding giving him any indication of interest.

"My turn, my turn!" Wooyoung interrupts, bouncing the ping pong ball into Jongho and Mingi’s last cup. "HELL YEAH!" he shouts in victory, high-fiving San.

"Song Mingi, you are a dead man," Jongho mutters before downing the beer. "Rematch?" he pleads, but Wooyoung quickly declines.

"I gotta go back into the party, man, do my thing," Wooyoung says, shaking his hips dramatically, making everyone roll their eyes.

"Yeah, I'm not playing with you again, you’re scary," Mingi admits.

"Like I’d ever choose you to be my partner again," Jongho grumbles. "Fuck this, I need a drink," he says, leaving the table to head to the kitchen. You notice San’s attention has been diverted to another girl you don’t recognize, but frankly, you don’t care, as long as you aren’t his next target.

"Wanna head to the hammock?" Yeosang whispers in your ear, and you nod, following him over.

Over in the hammock, you and Yeosang talk for what feels like hours. Whether it's the alcohol or just the vibe between you two, you're having an amazing time. You didn’t come to this party expecting to meet anyone, but now you're glad you did. Despite his quiet nature, Yeosang is extremely funny, witty, and surprisingly good at holding a conversation. You can't help but wonder how in the world this man is still single.

“But yeah, after that, I swore off cooking forever. I still have the burn mark on my arm,” he laughs, finishing his story about how Wooyoung forced him to cook, nearly causing him to blow up his apartment.

“How do you even eat?” you laugh.

“My roommate, DoorDash, or ramen,” he says with a smile. He’s such a man, but it’s endearing.

“Maybe one day I’ll cook for you,” you say, watching his eyes light up.

“For real?” he asks, sounding genuinely excited.

“Maybe,” you tease. “I only cook for people I really like, so you’ve gotta prove yourself first.”

He pouts, his full, glossy lips forming an irresistible expression that you’ve been trying not to stare at all night. He definitely notices but doesn’t say anything, both of you are a little more than tipsy.

“What, you don’t like me?” he pouts, leaning in closer.

“I didn’t say that,” you reply, trying to keep the teasing tone.

“Oh, so you do like me?” he smiles, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

“Have you always been a tease?” you ask, trying to match his energy.

“Only with people I really like,” he says, locking eyes with you. His big brown eyes are so captivating that you find it hard to look away. God, this man is absolutely gorgeous.

For the first time since you sat in the hammock, there’s a moment of silence. But it’s not awkward—just an intense, charged quiet as you both stare at each other. You’ve never felt this kind of connection with anyone before. There’s a magnetic pull between you, and all you want is to lean in and kiss him, just to get a taste . It seems like he feels the same way as he gently cups your face with his hand.

Yeosang’s hand is warm against your cheek, his thumb brushing softly over your skin. The world around you seems to blur, the sounds of the party fading into the background until it’s just the two of you in your own little bubble. His gaze flickers between your eyes and your lips, and you can feel your heart pounding in your chest, the butterflies in your stomach going wild.

“May I kiss you?” he asks softly.

You nod, unsure if you can trust your voice to give a verbal response. The anticipation is almost too much to bear.

Slowly, Yeosang leans in, his lips barely brushing yours at first. The kiss is soft and tentative, as if he’s savoring the moment. His lips are warm and tender, moving gently against yours in a way that sends a shiver down your spine. You close your eyes, letting yourself get lost in the sensation, the sweetness of the kiss making your heart swell.

But there’s an undercurrent of something more, something electric that builds with every passing second. You can feel it in the way his hand moves from your cheek to the back of your neck, pulling you closer. Your hands find their way to his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath your fingers as the kiss deepens. The soft, tentative start gives way to something more urgent, more passionate.

Yeosang’s other hand slides to your waist, his grip tightening as he pulls you even closer. The hammock sways slightly with the movement, but neither of you seems to notice or care. All that matters is the heat building between you, the way your bodies seem to melt into each other. The kiss turns hungrier, your lips parting to let him in. His tongue teases yours, and you let out a soft sigh against his mouth, feeling the butterflies in your stomach turn into a full-blown storm.

The world outside the hammock no longer exists; it’s just you and Yeosang, your lips moving in sync, your breaths mingling in the small space between you. His hands are everywhere, tracing the curve of your waist, your back, and your arms, leaving a trail of heat in their wake. Your fingers find their way into his blonde hair, tugging lightly as you press closer, craving more of him.

Yeosang’s kisses grow more insistent, his lips moving with a mix of tenderness and raw desire that has your head spinning. You can feel the warmth of his breath on your skin as he moves his lips to your jaw, trailing soft, wet kisses down your neck, making you gasp. The sensation sends a jolt of pleasure through your body, and you tilt your head back, giving him better access as his lips explore the sensitive skin of your throat.

He pauses for a moment, his lips hovering just above yours as if he’s giving you a chance to catch your breath. But you don’t want to stop. You tug him back down, capturing his lips in a kiss that’s more intense, more passionate than before. He responds eagerly, his hand sliding up your back as he deepens the kiss, his tongue dancing with yours in a rhythm that leaves you breathless.

The hammock sways more now, the movement matching the feverish pace of your kisses. Your bodies press against each other, heat radiating between you as the kiss turns into a full-blown make-out session. The intensity of it all is overwhelming in the best way possible. You can feel his heartbeat matching yours, both of you lost in the moment, in each other.

When you finally break apart, both of you are breathing heavily, your foreheads resting together as you try to catch your breath. Yeosang’s eyes are dark with desire, and you can see the same heat reflected in your own. Neither of you says a word, but the connection between you is stronger than ever, leaving you both craving more. 

“Yeosang…” you manage to whisper, still breathless from the kiss.

Before you can finish your sentence, a loud, familiar, drunken voice interrupts, shattering the intimate bubble around you. Both of you quickly pull apart, startled by the sudden intrusion. 

You can’t help the feeling of possessiveness that washes over you. What just transpired between you and Yeosang felt amazing, something you wanted to explore further. You wanted him—just him—all to yourself. A deep instinct told you to keep this between the two of you.

A quick glance at Yeosang reveals he feels the same way. His expression mirrors yours, but before you can say anything, Wooyoung stumbles over, flopping down between you in the hammock and throwing an arm around each of you.

“I love you guys sooo much!” Wooyoung slurs, his voice thick with alcohol. You chuckle, realizing he’s way too drunk for any of the hookups you assumed he'd be chasing tonight, meaning you’d be stuck taking care of him.

“My god, Woo, how much did you have to drink?” you ask, laughing as he plants a sloppy kiss on your cheek.

“Way too much of that punch and a couple of body shots,” he mumbles, resting his head on your shoulder.

“Where the hell is San?” Yeosang mutters, and something about hearing him curse sends another wave of butterflies through you. Every little thing he does—from the way his Adam’s apple bobs when he talks to the way he gently pries Wooyoung’s hands off his neck—has you feeling warm all over. You can't tell if it's the alcohol or just Yeosang himself, but you've never been this worked up over a man before.

“He’s with some girl. They left like ten minutes ago,” Wooyoung grumbles before suddenly gagging.

Oh no.

“JUNG WOOYOUNG, YOU ARE NOT ABOUT TO THROW UP RIGHT NOW!” you exclaim, half-laughing with wide eyes. You glance over at Yeosang, who looks just as disappointed as you.

“Fuck,” Wooyoung groans, and before you can react, he’s hunched over, vomiting into the grass right in front of you and Yeosang.

“Well, that’s a turn of events,” Yeosang says dryly, shaking his head.

You wince but smile apologetically at Yeosang. “I think I should take him home.”

Yeosang nods, rubbing the back of his neck, suddenly looking a bit shy. “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”

“He’s so annoying,” you say lightheartedly, gently wiping Wooyoung’s mouth with the bottom of his shirt. “Begs me to go to a party just to leave me and get too drunk to function.”

“That’s Wooyoung for you. But hey, at least I got to meet you.” Yeosang smiles, and you notice the tips of his ears turning red. You can feel your own face heating up at his words. You really didn’t expect to meet anyone tonight—just to chill, dance, and have fun—but Yeosang changed all of that, and you’re not mad about it in the slightest.

Not only is he incredibly handsome, but he’s also kind, respectful, and funny. You don’t want this night to end.

“Hey, totally okay to say no,” Yeosang starts, fiddling with his fingers, which you find adorable considering how bold he was just a few minutes ago. His shyness is endearing; everything about him is just so cute.

You look at him, nodding encouragingly for him to continue. Your eyes meet his beautiful brown ones again, and you unknowingly bite your lip, something he definitely notices. It seems to give him the confidence to finish his sentence.

“Do you mind if we exchange phone numbers?” he asks, his face turning a light shade of pink.

You can’t help but smile, despite Wooyoung still retching beside you. “Of course.” You hand Yeosang your phone, and he quickly puts his number in, texting himself to save it.

You want to say something more, but Wooyoung’s vomiting interrupts the moment.

“Fuck, I drank too much,” Wooyoung groans, coughing a bit. You pat his back, shaking your head.

“Took you this long to realize,” you tease, smiling down at your friend. As annoying as he can be, you love him.

Looking back up at Yeosang, you speak softly, “Thank you for tonight. I had a really fun time.”

“Me too,” he replies, smiling warmly at you as you stand Wooyoung up straight, using his shirt to wipe his face again. Yeosang makes a disgusted face but then looks back at you. “I hope to see you around, Y/n.”

You nod, feeling a little sad that the night is ending. “Bye, Yeosang.”

“Bye, Y/n,” he says softly.

You wave at him before guiding Wooyoung to the front of the house, trying to avoid as many eyes as possible. Despite everything, Wooyoung still has a reputation to uphold. You quickly order a Lyft, paying extra for priority pickup, and set the destination for Wooyoung’s apartment.

On the way there, Wooyoung falls asleep on your lap, groaning and huffing in his sleep. You push some of his hair out of his face, admiring his peaceful expression.

“Fucking idiot,” you mutter affectionately, laughing softly. Checking your phone, you see the message Yeosang left you. It brings a smile to your face, knowing that this night was just the beginning.

"Next time, less interruptions, deal?"

[tomnylover]

hey guys!!! i posted a bit of my fic “Ill be watching you” yesterday and i just thought id post the next bit

hope you enjoy!!

As the years went on, James started to stray from his unholy thoughts about the younger boy, and began focusing on a red haired girl, Lily Evans.

Lily was everything regulus wasnt, a wonderful girl with a heart of gold. She was smart, everything anyone had ever expected from their starboy. So James ran with it; but the problem was that lily didnt want him.

“Lily will you be my valentine?”

“Potter how many times do i have to say no for you to understand my boundaries and leave me alone?”

“You know how long ive wanted you, wont you just please give me a chance?”

“No potter. You are incredibly selfish and i do not want to have to subject myself to your ego. Thats my final decision, please respect it”

James scoffed as he turned away from the angry girl- ‘he wasnt really into her anyway’ he told himself, but as the nights grew lonelier and his heart grew colder, Regulus was starting to be ithe subject of James’ eyeline again.

He was always there, and James tried to talk to him, but Sirius had been clear on the marauders rules.

“Rule 26: Under no circumstances will you communicate with a member from my ex family”

All the marauders agreed to sirius’ list of ridiculous rules - his “boy code” as muggles would say. Really, none of the gryffindors had any reason to speak to the blacks- the blacks wouldnt deem them worthy of a simple conversation.

As James left the great hall, he wandered around the castle, searching for a tranquil nook to sit in, and so he subconsciously ended up on his way to the astronomy tower.

He clicked open the door and felt the light breeze on his face feeling grateful for the castles many quirks.He knew about the room of requirement too, but only because they had used it to conceal their Animagi potions, but ever since, James hadn’t been able to conjure up the need for it. Not yet at least.

A figure sitting dangerously on the ledge caught his eye in an instant; was that really Regulus Black? It was fate really, James thought to himself. Everything brought him back to the slytherin, however hard he tried to get rid of his unfaithful thoughts, he just couldnt. Regulus wasn’t convenient to James, but he loved him either way. Well he thought it was love, he hadn’t had much experience with romance, he was always too busy for anybody.

James didnt know if it was love- to him, the younger Black was perfect in all aspects: smart, funny? cunning, and beautiful.

It was impossible not to like him, Regulus was perfect. Everything about him, from his neatly styled hair or his cold eyes that never warmed up. The way he walked and talked and laughed with his friends. Oh how James desperately wanted to be the one to make him laugh, to make him cry tears of joy.

“Sirius. Just think of Sirius”, James mumbled to himself, yet his affirmations had no affect on his unknown feelings for the boy. Sirius was always James’ but his heart was so big, why couldn’t he just have both Blacks?

Suddenly, Regulus turned around and registered that James was there as well, invading his space and making him slightly uncomfortable. Their eyes locked and James was finally able to see his pearly eyes in the moonlight, they shone bright and glistened with James’ reflection.

“Your beautiful in this light” James took the risk, and hopefully he would be rewarded for it this time.

Regulus’ heart skipped a beat, no way in all heavens and hells that James Potter just called him beautiful? But thats what he did isn’t it, passed out compliments as if it were the simplest action in the world.

“Is that what you tell Evans? Ironic isnt it Potter”

“No- I just wanted to tell you what i thought” He knew he had messed it up. He spoke too soon and ruined whatever they could’ve had before it even started.

“Well if thats the case then i appreciate it. You also have-“ he paused to think. James’ everything was beautiful, out of this world, but he would never admit that out loud. “-Nice hair” Regulus grimaced, as if it physically pained him to say.

“Thanks. Anyway what are you doing up here so late? I thought the younger years had curfew at 10?”

“Just stargazing, look you can see Regulus tonight, its the brightest star this time of year” He spoke with enthusiasm, as if the stars were his world, and as if the sun stole their spotlight far too often, yet James was the sun.

James was so bright and lovely, the sun shone though the gaps in his teeth and the pupils of his eyes. He was the sun incarnate, yet he still let Regulus shine in the dark.

And thats what he would do- let his crush on Regulus shine in the dark, but he would hide it during the day. He didn’t have to, he knew all his friends were accepting, particularly of Sirius and Remus’ pending relationship.

“Thats wonderful” James whispered in awe as he knelt beside the Slytherin. He took a shaky breath in, and his nose filled with Regulus’ scent; Mint and parchment paper. A faint smell of smoke, smoke that felt like home. So thats what James smelt in his amortentia earlier in the week.

hope u had as much fun reading as i did writing- love u all -tomny armstrongs biggest fan xoxo

if u guys have any plot ideas lmk!!!!

[xxri]

maría for the ad astra zine! lc u will be missed T_T

[funkle420]

some of the things I've learned in the Adventurer's Bible are so chilling... really drives home the fact that this is a completely different world with medieval-like stuff going on. I'm especially chilled by what Laios and Falin said about the "mountain people"...

[abyssal-ilk]

thinking too far ahead in my aeducan playthrough, already imagining her and loghain as wardens post-da:o traveling together and slowly working their way up to becoming friends. everyone else has seperated by this point (though rielle hopes that alistair will eventually be willing to reunite with her after he left, and she keeps in contact with everyone else as best she can) but they're going around fereldan and taking care of any lingering darkspawn together and recruiting where they can. it's a tense relationship for the first few months, but rielle softens towards him quicker than she thought she would.

[skitskatdacat63]

My four main characters' dynamics if you were ever wondering 🥰

Little character bios + without text below the cut :)

Preface: There's 9 different planets in my AU, and each of them has different kinds of humanoids(ex. Neptune has bird-people, Mercury has dragon-people, Pluto has cat-people, Neptune has mammal-people, etc.) Most of my ocs are from Neptune or Pluto, cause I like them best haha. Each planet has their own forms of hierarchies/discrimination, so that's important to consider with character dynamics. So for example on Neptune, people who are pure-breds(so basically wild animals in their "original" form. Wolves, tigers, deer, etc, too many to name) are considered more noble. Whereas there are ubiquitous "dogs," traditionally the servants of Neptune's god, who are seen as typically being servile and lesser. But then if you were to travel to a different planet, you would be SO lost about these kinds of dynamics. I talked a lot more about my two main ships in these posts, Eclipoir here and Rünoir here !!

My main four OCs seen here are the DHE and Eclipse. The DHE are a friend group/unit, who met through being scouted for the god of Neptune's espionage/black ops unit. They are comprised of:

Anastassia "Rüß" Petrov - (the main leader of the operation, very tough but intelligent. She was scouted from Siberia and grew up very poor. She is a womanizer, loves money, and she was originally very standoffish but is now extremely charasmatic, and seems to know everybody. However she is a dog, but the complete opposite of what a dog is expected to be. Which is why she was scouted to be the leader in the first place!! She was originally more undercover, but now kinda functions as the handler to Noir's attack dog. She preferred to work alone before, but came to appreciate the team dynamic.)

Noir Mono-Loup -(Nepo baby!!! She is a wolf, and is from a very rich, influential family, so she's a pedigree pedigree. She is genuinely very strong and can be analytical, but struggles to manage herself and her bloodthirsty and possessive compulsions, AND she is very prone to craving submission. So even tho societally, she's seen as higher/more noble than Rüß, Noir is perfectly happy to be her subordinate and follow orders. However, while Rüß brings out the submissive side in her, Eclipse on the other hand brings out the possessive, territorial side.)

Seren Baumstark - (The brains of the group I guess, though they're all pretty smart, in different ways. She's not from Neptune, she's from Pluto! So she doesn't really factor in to the whole weird purebred-dog dynamic the other two have going on, which is for the better because she's very peaceful and there's no expectations. Very meek compared to the other two, but chosen because of her intelligence and cooperation skills. Has her own shit going on aside from the main plot, that's more involved with the gods. The main plot with the other three mainly is fucked in its own way, but Seren is lowkey going through that Spongebob hallway meme honestly, but its kinda impossible to quickly explain.)

"Eclipse" - (from a very famous/influential family from Pluto/Neptune. However she has been disowned, as she was seen as ruining the family image with her instability....and because her mother is a terrible person who couldn't accept that her child wouldn't be the heir of the family. She has a very codependent relationship with Noir, however they were separated for many years because Noir is technically the reason she was ultimately disowned, though she's pretty grateful for that. She's an assassin, who Noir is trying to track down, not knowing its Eclipse.)

I have like three seperate time periods I jump between, so it's a bit confusing I think. The first would be when it was just Noir and Rüß, since Seren came in later. Noir was very annoying and puppylike, and Rüß at that point was super cold. Rünoir(Rüß x Noir) are FwB with a very dom/sub relationship/dynamic. The second would be when Seren is now with them, and when Noir first meets Eclipse(she saved her from being kidnapped, and that's where their codependency began.) And the third would be when Eclipoir(Eclipse x Noir) are finally fully reunited, and not at odds anymore, and the DHE are now in different roles, but still best friends.

[puppppppppy]

i think the reason why im so drawn to spirit tracks and pkmn scarvi is that having the legendary/princess as a companion rather than a goal that marks the games completion makes me feel satisfied the way i would after helping a friend

my brother always teases me about how I still havent finished botw after almost 7 years bc "id rather be out picking flowers" which i wont say is untrue. and yes i know Zeldas been holding off ganon for 100 years, yes i can get some sort of idea what her relationship with link was like by recalling memories and going through her diary. ive always loved botw for its unique storytelling and setting which makes it stand out, because it lets you get to know who you're saving.

but because theyre memories, it only works if theres something for the player to investigate that already happened. its retroactive (but effective nonetheless)

on the other hand, spirit tracks does something similar but instead of having the player try to piece together memories and interpret them as a spectator, you actually have an opportunity to get to know zelda yourself by talking to her and working together. besides making it a gameplay mechanic, giving the player control over how they interact with zelda makes it so much more personable.

and I find that making the goal feel personal instead of an obligation gives me more of a reason to work towards it. I know what kind of person botw zelda was but as the player, shes still very much a stranger to me. but spirit tracks zelda? thats my friend!!!! she invited me to go to the beach after we get her body back!!! i dont want to whip her to make her move faster thats mean :(

you know how hostage negotiators are trained to introduce themselves and get to know the person theyre negotiating with because its harder to hurt someone when you know what their favorite food is? its kinda like that, because it feels like im helping a friend than being told or led to do smth

and although i havent played scarvi myself, i feel an attachment to koraidon and miraidon even just watching playthrough clips because its like!! thats my weird scaly dog!! it loves sandwiches and we're friends!!! you know!!!!!!

[frobby]

i love madoka magica however i dont think we as a fandom talk enough about how tragic madoka herself is. probably because the narrative itself steers you away from thinking about her personally. shes not a character shes a desire that homura has, shes a force of good, shes homura's foil. but those are all madoka's narrative roles but madoka herself as a person is not really looked at because we are viewing this world from an unreliable narrator(homura) who only sees madoka as those things. The best thing homura could have done for madoka was give up on her, to let her go. because every time we go back in time the image of madoka is distorted, she loses more of herself every regression of homura's as she tries harder and harder to save her. We don't even know what madoka originally wished for to become a magical girl in the original timeline. and she actually acts quite differently than the madoka we meet. shes a lot more honest and caring and bold. by the time homura's has reached the actual anime madoka has been reduced by the sands of time to a figment of herself. she has no wants or desires of her own beyond wanting to do good and help her friends and when all her humanity is stripped away is when she finally acends to godhood because thats all thats left of her. an ideal and a faith in her. madoka kaname died a long time ago and all that is left is her ghost.

[lazarus-harp]

I think A LOT about what the survivors do post-season. would nikita try and pretend that nothings happened? would mat watch the videos the dead made to humanize those who had to die for him to survive?

you're the survivor connoisseur, what do you think?

for one, i'm very flattered to be seen as the 'survivor connoisseur'! so thank you immensely for the kind words. and secondly, oh boy, this question couldn't of come at a better time ... considering how much post canon mat & nikita have been pingponging around my head! i'll try to be as coherent as possible, but if a lot of this is pure word vomit then i do apologize. it is merely the passion taking over haha.

nikita is someone who fascinates me greatly in the aftermath, because there's a level of realism within her that's lacking in mat. but it's cynicism mixed with denial! she doesn't believe they can bring everyone back i don't think, or at least that's what she tells herself over and over again. a mantra. a safety net. she is so scared to hope and she's even more scared of what might come after that ; there's a sense of shame inherent in her when faced with colleen's bitter coldness. unlike mat, she is all too aware of her horrible actions and what might follow. an awful nightmare of, even if i saved them, would they forgive me? would they want me around? would things be the same? and nikita knows the answer, or at least thinks she does. so much of her post everlock is trapped inside this in-between, which naturally makes her come off as wishy washy and contradictory. a perfect fit for her bizarre behavior in s4. she's willing to go through with the rescue mission because her desire aligns with mat's, yet she staunchly refuses to wallow in grief. she accepts people have died ( in her memorial to manny and roi, via the tear tattoos ) and has made progress in finding a life outside the death games, via bretman. she nurses her new best friend close and yet mostly keeps him separate from everything everlock has touched and tarnished. i like to imagine bretman is her secret and crutch for moving forward, into a future that won't ever have manny again. he acts almost like a replacement in her heart. makes that loss hurt a little less. and i also think matthew can tell that's what it's about, naturally causing some resentment on his end ... because to him, manny can't be replaced. nobody can. it's why we have to do this, nikita! in lots of ways, he views her more 'healthy' behavior as her giving up on this, on them, and he loathes it.

but, obviously, nikita's behavior isnt healthy and mat ( in typical him fashion, where it concerns her ) is completely misreading her actions. nikita isn't acting callously, she's just scared. it's not about forgetting or pretending, it's a matter of selfish safety she's more hellbent on having than ever before. putting her heart out there only for it to be crushed beneath the grim world she now knows they're apart of? putting hope out there, indulging in wishful thinking and fantasy, just for those dreams to be taken from her, again? it's staggering losses she's nervous to take, and she's already made this mistake with manny ; believing he could live despite the odds, trusting in a faulty system, seeing a light at the end of the tunnel that would have them stepping out into the morning together ... but she was wrong. manny surviving all those challenges, even ones he shouldn't have, was nothing more than being lucky. a fluke, if she could be that cruel and discredit his skills so easily. in the end, he was still ripped away, in a way so horrible, nikita might secretly wish he would've just died beforehand. hope and optimism are soiled for her, reality is all that's left. you see this no nonsense attitude from her a lot in s3 to begin with! she's keenly aware of their time limit and keeps their group moving onward, sparing little theatrics on the dead bodies of innocents paving their way. vocally acknowledges that whoever was chosen to be brought back could arrive pissed and vengeful, openly calling attention to the fact it's likely for vendettas to breed when the game they're playing isn't blameless. really, the troublemaker is more calculated and clever than most fans give her credit for, in my opinion. these are traits normally passed over to mat instead, despite his intense emotions getting the best of him multiple times in the show! he is prone to listen to his heart and his grievances, weaponizing grudges when he deems it fitting while nikita is forced to swallow them, and really let them go because emotions hinder her determination and path forward. it's no different here ... except isn't it? just a little bit? nikita falters under her own desires for things to be as they were and she can't fully fight the need to see manny again, or to save the day when she feels responsible for so much pain that night.

though this goes against some core traits of hers and i think that's where the struggle really lies. i want to see manny, but what if he hates me? would i rather live in a world where he can hate me or would i rather stay in one where he'll never get that chance? very selfish of her, i suppose, to potentially value those things over an entire human life, but it's so realistic and human i can't help but sympathize. especially when she sets aside everything she thinks anyway! the troublemaker goes into purgatory knowing it might fail, and that if it does, it's going to reopen every wound she's haphazardly stuck bandaids over. she knows bretman might see her for who she truly is, a liar and a killer and a betrayer and someone who can't love another enough, and forces him to come because fine, it's the end isn't it? and most importantly nikita goes in thinking she could be turned on and hated and this is exactly the reality she faces with colleen, leaving her frustrated, and angry, and turning her shame into vitriol just like before. post s4, with bretman pissed at her, mat broken, joey gone, and everything destroyed again ... nikita then has little else to do ( in her mind ) except to move on for good this time. here might come the pretending act : shrugging off devastating losses and a world full of horror, settling into strange contentment after everything. a false calm, but one she'd wear perfectly nonetheless. would probably quit the society and go back to mundane things, like shopping sprees and creation. live a quiet life. everlock, purgatory, and the year between nothing more than the teardrops on her face and a man she still can't rid herself of. she can't look colleen or bretman in the eye. little things carry over into her manicured life : a refusal to wear pink despite forever adorning blonde hair, never holding the cool steel of a gun in two hands, doesn't say “i love you,” anymore, and plenty of other burdens. but she tries to ignore these signs as much as possible.

still, nikita seems healthy when compared to mat! at least there's a level of acceptance from her, at least she no longer holds the dead. maybe she's too keen on shoving them away now -- but maybe it's a better alternative, when paired with the detective's obsession with them? so much of mat post s3 or even post s4 to me is about his love and desperation outweighing logic, reality, and whatever else stands in his way. stubborn in all the wrong ways for all the wrong reasons. he is a character who needs to be loved and he found a group ( as imperfect as it was ) who adored him so much they wouldn't even let him stay dead. it's a turning point he can't go back from, because now mat owes these people everything. it doesn't matter to him that, really, only safiya and joey brought him back ... because when he stumbled through that door, everyone was so happy. they smiled and grabbed at him and it's probably the most welcome he's ever felt! it's a warmth he won't ever feel again but is chasing. so unlike nikita he can't play into denial. he can't move on or confront what'll happen if he fails. he can't fail, not again, because mat has to save somebody and he has to make the pain worth it. he was killed by the strongman? well, at least it wasn't manny, at least it wasn't permanent, at least mat came back to nothing but love and affection, and how could he ever trade that for anything? all his friends died because of a game they were forced to play? well, mat's out of everlock, he's free, he doesn't need to play by invisible rules anymore and he can bring everyone back and they can be together, and then the suffering will pale in comparison to the reunion awaiting them, right? it's scary for him to consider death and what it means : being forgotten, having everything you've done amount to nothing, laying in the dark of some terrible night all alone, permeant. so he does whatever he can to rebel against these fears that he believes are universal, but are merely his own. he'll get his hands on everything his group was in ( pictures, videos, articles, ) and he'll religiously consume them to remember. he'll think of them always, as ghosts in the corner of his eye, and will never do a single action without thinking about them in some way, to make them still amount to something beyond the veil. he'll heroically save them from a permanent slumber, like they did for him, so they can lay in the sun or in the comfort of a shared room and they can be permanently alive, at least for now. it's loving and it's devotional and it shows how deeply matthew cares and how big his heart is, but it's selfish too.

mat is preventing himself from pain this way, necessary pain. he's stalling the grieving process by entertaining a world in which they'll all be saved and will be able to move on together. he's leaving his wounds open and prodding at them so they won't ever close because finding a life outside of this is horrifying for him. and reasonably so! he died, and now he's just back? he's supposed to ... what, exist? be his old self? what's the protocol for revival? is he allowed to mourn someone he still is, or is he meant to pretend it's a life continued rather than a brand new one? scary ideas, scary theories, not a single guiding hand in sight. clinging to everlock and who he was then is safe, it's who he is now. except, is it? or is that the identity he's carved for himself because facing this world with brand new eyes makes him want to die? how can he move on from the very place he died in? it doesn't seem fair! or ... right. it's unnatural and mat is confused and he's floundering. clinging is all he can think to do. this also shuts him off from forming new connections or rekindling with old ones and that's safe too, not having to look at someone and think about if they'd survive the vote. if they could make it to the end with him, if it ever happened again. it also doesn't help that mat just has a chronic 'i'm a good guy!' problem and if he can undo everything he won't have to confront the fact he's not as perfect as he thought he was. like, while nikita is scared of hope and what it might do to her, mat is scared to look in the mirror and acknowledge he'd do anything to survive. that he's callous and cruel, that he's someone who would save his own skin rather than sacrifice himself for another. that's not who he is -- was? identity is a huge part of his conflict here!

it's a big bag of worms! there's many complexities at play, butting heads with their new natures and desires ... with each other too, clearly. mat obsessively drowns in the past and only works towards his ideal future ( i don't even think s4's failure would deter him ) and everything else just falls in-between. nikita lives life normally for once and maybe tentatively branches out to find new friends again, just because it's a sign she's making progress and it's something that'll show mat that moving on is possible, thanks. ways of dealing that take them down different roads eventually but they'll never let each other go so there's that new constant at least! and they're both actively hiding all the while, whether they know it or not. tragic!

anyway, i know this is ungodly long and ramble-y but i do hope it somewhat answered your question! i know i mostly talked about their mindsets and inner workings rather than what they specifically do in the aftermath, but! i think you can infer a lot based on their mindsets here. like, oh mat would rather start a scrapbook full of dead people's photos he's lovingly collected versus ... taking up journaling. nikita would rather follow an online course on cooking just because she's bored as fuck versus ... reaching out to the society so she can train with swords again. that kinda thing <3

[hassianlovebot]

i've seen some people talk about einar's romance dialogue and how it feels offputting and rude to him but i'm gonna be honest,,, i never really saw it that way?

like i do agree that the player's dialogue options Suck compared to the other romances. something about it just feels really childish and definitely not as,,, "serious" or even committed as the other romance dialogue options. that being said, it never felt patronizing toward him.

to me, it feels like the player is just. being human. while einar is being galdur. the player doesn't get mad at him for not understanding certain jokes or not showing affection in the same way. and einar doesn't get uncomfortable with the player being human, making human jokes, or showing human affection. they're just Being Human and sharing their humanness with einar. which einar, while not always understanding of it, is completely used to and Does understand and enjoy it later on in the 3-4 levels. not that he didn't enjoy it before, but once you get closer to him, he Does understand more of the jokes and even joins in on certain ones (like the catch one!).

idk man it just always felt like the player and einar are just sharing their perspectives, personalities, and culture with each other. and of course there is the chocolate thing where he says he doesn't need it and the player has to learn what he actually wants from the relationship (ie spending time together). and there are still jokes that he ends up taking seriously, which yknow, that's kind of what i meant when i said the player's options often feel very childish compared to other ones. but it just never came off as patronizing to me, especially since einar repeatedly says that he enjoys spending time with the player and engaging in their "togetherness".

like to me it always felt like he enjoys learning about new things, even if he doesn't want to participate. like at the maji market when he says that while he doesn't understand the hotpot game, watching it fills him with "oneness". he enjoys learning about human and majiri culture and seeing them just be themselves! none of his dialogue implies that he's uncomfortable with the way the player shows affection (there Is something to be said about the dialogue options only ever showing one form of it,,, but tbf they can't put in 50+ options to cover the minutia of human brains lol)

idk i want to be clear im not shitting on anyone else's opinion on this!!! there's room for all perspectives here. i just wanted to share! i've seen SO many people say that romancing einar feels patronizing and like. i've just never seen it that way ! and it always confuses me when i see it akjhgd tbf i think some people are also neurodivergent (same lol) and don't appreciate the dialogue options that einar doesn't understand because in real life it Does feel patronizing when someone does it on purpose even knowing you won't get it. but for me, einar being galdur and not a neurodivergent human/majiri is an important distinction. he shows multiple times that he enjoys learning about human cultures and perspectives, that he enjoys talking to the player even when they don't understand each other, and that he's capable of understanding the player's jokes and sarcasm once explained to him. he Likes that they're different !

einar seems to enjoy the player acting "human" with him because he gets to learn about them! and he wouldn't want them stifle their true personality just to please him! einar is alllll about being true to yourself, your beliefs, your oneness, etc. he wants the player to understand him and his affection, but he also wants to understand the player's personality and affection. he wants them to share each other's "quirks". and don't get me wrong, i do wish there was more we could do to share in his way of affection (especially if his way is our way,,, like i'm Not flirty or jokey like that irl at all and i'd love to have more options where it really is just "hi i enjoy parallel playing with you :)))" lol) and that the dialogue options were less jokey or at least more affectionate/serious but idk,,, i think for me, i've just always seen einar as someone who wants to know and appreciate everything about the player, even the things he doesn't Immediately understand. he wants the player to explain things and share their culture with him SO bad

[my-thirteenth-reason]

kicking my feet and giggling (<- just got apologised to)

[projectdivaar]

SEASON 4 FINALE.........I felt genuinely ill the whole time like my stomach was twisting I was gonna throw up oh my god what the FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[arielluva]

grief is such a weird emotion bc i can be fine most of the time even if it think about it, but then sometimes thinking about it digs it up all over again

[seithr]

Randomly remembered the half-reason i call my oc-verse by the name it has while laying in bed. One-half of the reason i still knew, but I had forgotten what had truly, really cemented it jointly until now

(it was a song from my favourite band I haven't listened to in a while.)

(the song fit so well at the time, still does, that i needed to hold onto it for the main protagonists forever, by partially naming their story in reference.)

Does this explanation make any sense? Does anyone know why I'm tearing up remembering this. Aahh

[opens-up-4-nobody]

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